He was my addiction...

Two people made a comment on my post from yesterday. I am not meant to respond to those comments. However, I thought to share the takeaways from their comments.

If you follow, you will realize that my stories are not meant to demonize anybody.

Follow till the end to fully understand.

I am sharing because this is the path I have chosen for my healing.

I am more interested in healing, than I am in justice. Storytelling is the path I have chose. Do not judge my choice.

I have kept these experiences private for several years because I thought justice will be served. I will not follow the path of lies or diplomacy because of justice. I have tried to be diplomatic for almost a decade. Yet, justice was never served.

My stories are for those in these kinds of situations, and the kind of complexities that occur when people find themselves in such dilemmas. What people want to see is the end. I am interested in showing you the process. It is okay to be vulnerable.

Someone said I should share when I have victory. Well, victory is relative. Sharing these experiences for me is VICTORY.

That I survived the pain of a decade is victory.

Lastly, if you are not in these kinds of relationships, simply read like my stories are fables.

But if you are a survivor like me(male or female) keep reading. There is so much to learn.

Another excerpt from my book, which is now on preorder on Amazon. Go to www.ideyforyou.com/bcba

“Lockdown did something to me. He could not travel to visit, and I did not miss him. We were together for over nine years, and the lockdown did something to me. For the first time, I had time to myself and began to think. There was no word to describe how I was feeling. There was so much noise—the children's voices,   my mother’s, and then my partner's.   

Three things happened to me in Osogbo. The first was a feeling of freedom because he was not around to control me. The second was that I had time to think about our lives together for the past 8 years.  The third was that I was compelled to keep writing. I wrote with the aim to understand everything from my past while making sense of my present.  It was there I authored my first book. I wrote my pain from the past. Yet, was hurting in the present. I remembered that I take out every part of my book that had to do with him. These were the message we exchanged.”

I think I was addicted to him. He was sometimes my safe zone whenever I could not tolerate the attack from my mother or I could not stand up for myself, when people hurt me outside. I mean, I would always go to him for comfort, even though our relationship was harmful. Even though it was only a trauma bond.

For instance, I recall that I should have ended the relationship earlier than now.

But I remained there. For instance, I realized I was always the one forcing the relationship although unconsciously. I was simply addicted to him. It was as though I wanted to look good to everyone. I wanted people to think that I had a perfect relationship.

It was not so, as you can see in the screenshots here from two years ago, when I was planning to publish my first book.

What then does it mean to be addicted to something or someone?

I made a YouTube video and Podcast here.

Watch here:

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/bisola-mariam/episodes/Wrong-coping-strategy-victims-employ-e1h877n

If you have been following me for a while you will see how my life has changed, and I want to help you as well. I created COV (or clarity of vision) to help you.

My birthday is on May 31st, and I will be hosting 30 friends in Chicago. To attend my event, purchase a ticket now.

Your Queen,

BM.