He weaponized my family dysfunction...
Abundance tribe, today is day 7 of my 60 days series…
“I came into this country confused. There was so much chaos in my life. My relationship with my partner was not one I was proud of. It was toxic, but I was too afraid to leave. I was afraid for my children. I was also afraid of being judged. I am a child to a single parent, and leaving my marriage meant I was going to end up like her. People thought I was okay, but I knew something was wrong with me. I could not explain it. I was meant to be happy because I had been awarded a fully-funded scholarship. I was meant to be happy, because I had been issued a study visa, after a previous denial. Shane, who do you tell you are unhappy? But I was not happy, Shane. No, I was not. ”
***
“I think it makes so much sense to me now, Shane! I understand why my feelings for Kem would not go away. He validated me without even knowing it. He was like a safe haven from everything I was running away from. From my mother. From my partner. My inner child was running away from taking care of her wounds. She was running towards Kem. She did not want to take care of her own wounds, BY HERSELF. The wounds my mother inflicted on me as a child, and as a teenager, for neglecting me. The wounds my step-father inflicted on me as a child, for making me watch, as he hit my mother. The wounds my step-brothers inflicted on me, for making me touch their private parts. I did not forgive these people for the pain they caused me. I did not forgive my mother especially.
Then the universe simply brought in my way my wounds, which then manifested in my partner. I then had to live with my partner, who was simply mothering me. Repeating the same pattern I was running away from. The pattern of nurturing, neglect, validation, invalidation, love then abuse. He continued to repeat the same pattern. That he was over 16 years older than me, made me think his age meant maturity. I felt as though he would be the father figure I did not have. I felt as though I would receive from him, the father’s love I never had.”
Hmm. I also remembered he had always weaponized the dysfunction in my family to keep me stuck. Take a look at the messages below.
Lessons
You see, we attract our childhood trauma when we are not mindful.
What we are running from, we often attract as friends/lovers/bosses.
That is why violence and abuse are not limited to interpersonal contexts, but also organizational contexts. These evils are everywhere.
I made a Youtube video and Podcast, describing what family dysfunction is, and how if you are mindful, heal and awake, and parent yourself, you will not seek outside validation, which makes you attract these kinds of people.
Watch here:
Listen here: https://anchor.fm/bisola-mariam/episodes/Family-Dysfunction-1-e1fss1l
Announcement:
Announcements
1. I am planning to launch my book on my birthday, May 31. I will need your help. My plan is to publish 10,000 copies of my book and have them donated for free at strategic locations across African campuses, maternity centers, religious centers, other strategic places, and American institutions, where African students are mostly found.
I need your help in making this a reality.
Think about the number of people who are yet to recognize the pattern of abuse in their lineage, and are suffering silently.
We need more people to speak up.
Education is that tool.
My book is that tool
Join me today, by going to www.bisolamariam.com/becomingbm to donate to support my book launch party.
2. I want you to plan to attend my birthday party irrespective of your location. If you are outside of the US, and cannot travel to the University of Alabama, you can join the book launch online by buying a ticket to join the launch party
You can donate only $10 to book your seat at my party. You can use the same donation link, and you can email me to be added to the party waitlist.
Get your launch ticket by going to www.bisolamariam.com/bmparty
Use the donate here link to give a donation or book your seat to attend my launch party.
Give $10 for a seat at my party. You can give more if you want to donate towards the book launch as well.
$10 is approximately 5,000 Naira. Be aware that every kobo or dollar you give as donations or tickets to attend the party, will go towards publishing the book. The intention is not to monetize the event, but to encourage you using different means.
Lives need to be saved!
Donate here
Your friend,
Bisola-Mariam
Abundance is here, there is no lack.
Well done Ma.