I have shared five things I was attached to and how I did not get them when I was attached- or got them but later regretted.
Relocating abroad. I seriously feared that my relocation plan would not work. I became attached to the process, concluding it was my only way out of a toxic relationship. I was denied a visa and became depressed because I thought the only way was to relocate abroad. I was attached to the process, and my worst fear happened- a series of rejections.
Visa denial. Eventually, I got fully funded but was denied a visa- I feared I would be denied a visa- I also had a self-imposed deadline of “I just need to leave Nigeria. I need to leave this marriage.” So, I was badly hurt when I was denied a visa.
Applying to an AM/PHD program. I was also attached to leaving Tuscaloosa by all means, and wanted to get into an AM/PHD by all means. But I did not. I was attached to getting this offer, because it would mean that I was succeeding despite the blackmail on social media about me. But, despite not getting that admission, I still moved to Chicago, and got a job at a domestic violence agency.
Reapplying to the AM/PHD program. I really wanted to get into the AM/PHD program. But, this second time, I did not get in. I did hurt, but it woke me up: It helped me realize that I really did not need a Phd track at the moment. A Ph.D. would mean I may have to jeopardize my law school plan. I was attached to this admission because of a self-imposed deadline.
Losing a job offer. At the beginning of the year, I set big goals, and shared a post on social media about my tour to selected countries- not to impress, and not because I have money saved somewhere to fund those trips. So, I became attached to the idea of making this big goal work, that after I resigned the domestic violence agency job at Apna Ghar, I just had to take another offer- even though the position was not mentally stimulating- I wanted some leverage for trips. I had done the mental calculations for booking trips, and paying for events halls at selected countries etc. But what happened? The last employer knew I was overqualified, but came up with an excuse that didn’t make sense.
Here is what I will leave you with:
Making desperate efforts causes you to become attached.
You begin to act out of fear; you stop trusting God. You stop trusting the universe.
You start making efforts because you fear your plan may not work. You fear rejection. And it is okay to have those fears.
But, open your mind to other possibilities.
What if there’s another plan?
When you begin to heal, you will become patient. You become relaxed. You trust your heart. You trust your intuition. You learn to move strategically but intuitively. You move without fear. You act unattached.
To beat outside attachments and cultural expectations of you, you must be UNATTACHED.
The way to do this is to trump everything(or most things) you have been made to believe about you, life, becoming, life, and everything in between.
Get my healing books on preorder right now.
I am moving with a different mindset and still get the things I want- at the right time. And while waiting, I am happier. You can become unattached to outcomes as well.
I have seen a tremendous change in how I run my business because I drink and walk healing- and I can’t emphasize how important this is for every CEO.
As a CEO, you wear several hats; you may even be a parent or have other family members you work with.
I can’t wait for you to change your life.
ideyforyou,
Bisola-Mariam