The doubleganger caregiver

From the journal, 'Broken Child, Broken Adult"

Today is day 34, and I will share with you an excerpt from my book.

The doubleganger caregiver...

From the book, "Broken Child, Broken Adult".

"What or who is a doubleganger?

A doubleganger is someone with a two sided personality. It is possible for a caregiver to have a two sided personality. In order words, a caregiver can be Narcissistic and codependent at the same time. Let me explain further.

A caregiver can be loving and dismissive at the same time. But it let us draw the line. You can't have a caregiver who is 50 percent Narcissistic, and 50 percent, codependent. It's not possible.

What we can have is a case where of of these two personalities is dominant. I mean a caregiver can either be mostly toxic, but occasionally kind, or mostly kind and occasionally toxic. What I am trying to say is that a caregiver who is codependent, or generally loving may behave in a way that is unkind sometimes. The latter trait may be stress induced.

On the other side, a Narcissist caregiver is mostly toxic, but such can be kind occasionally especially when the child meets expectations.

Here's what you must understand. Someone can only have a dominant nature. The nature to be Narcissistic or codependent. The nature to be mostly toxic or mostly kind. No one can live in these two bodies at equal measure. So don't be confused.

On the other hand, a Narcissist caregiver is mostly toxic, but such can be kind occasionally especially when the child meets expectations.

Here's what you must understand. Someone can only have a dominant nature. The nature to be Narcissistic or codependent. The nature to be mostly toxic or mostly kind. No one can live in these two bodies at equal measure. So don't be confused.

Here is something you can think about to avoid confusion. Think about your first /primary caregiver.

Think about the doubleganger personality in your caregiver. Was your caregiver often kind and supportive, but when experiencing stress or life difficulty behaved in an unkind manner? Was your caregiver mostly unkind and unsupportive, but would suddenly become kind when something good happens or you come back home with good grades, only to return to being toxic again?

When you are able to analyze your first caregiver 's degree to be a doubleganger, you are able to identify the red flags especially in your love life.

You are able to become calculative and avoid making excuses when for instance, you are mostly experiencing toxicity in a relationship and suddenly experience some kindness from such friend, intimate partner or other person.

You will be careful not to tolerate this. If it is something your inner child is familiar with, you may simply normalize it. Do not make that mistake.

Lastly, when I think about the tendency for a caregiver to behave in this way, I think about two things. One is, attachment style and the other is trauma bond. I will talk about this when I begin to explain the red flags of a Narcissistic relationship.

For now, do this activity in your self-care journal.

Activity #4

What doubleganger did my first caregiver possess?

Was my caregiver mostly toxic or mostly accommodating?

Identify your caregiver's trigger for kindness and unkindness.

How did you have to do/how would you have to act to get them to care or disregard you?

What was the trigger when my first caregiver would make me feel safe?

What was the trigger when my first caregiver would hurt me?"

I made a video and podcast explaining further.

Go here to watch /listen :

Watch here:

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/bisola-mariam/episodes/The-doubledanger-caregiver-e1iffv0

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