The Ghana Braids...

How can someone control even the kind of hair you make?

“That night, he did not stop talking about my Ghanian braids, and several years after, he would insist that I wear the same hairstyle every time. I was interested in other styles and also wanted to evolve with the trends. He was traditional in his belief and thought that a married woman should only wear the hairstyles the husband approved of. I knew that was slavery. Recommending hairstyles was one thing,  but mandating was another. The latter was his style. 

***

“Do you think you are one of those single girls out there? This was the type of hair that suits you. This style, not that style. Women who dishonored their husbands can never get God’s favor. How would you expect God to bless you when you always disobey me? I would give you an instruction you will not follow. You are disobedient. The kids are watching you. They will disobey you too. They will dishonor you.”

Those were his words, Shane. Just choosing to do a hairstyle that made me happy, would infuriate him. It was really frustrating that a conversation about hairstyles would get so complex. Small things became complex things. Styles became a question of submission. Vogue became a question of Godliness. It was sickening. He knew how to kill with his words.  He knew how to kill a spouse for sure!

I was uncomfortable to watch him touch my hair like that, without responding. With time, he became disinterested in me, for being ME. It was my new reality. I had to get used to him not liking my hairstyle, but doing it, because it made me feel good.  Soon, the little things became big issues, because I chose not to let him touch my hair.”

Today, I wish to introduce you to the types of attachment styles. The first is the secured attachment style.

Watch here:

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/bisola-mariam/episodes/Secure-attachment-e1hsdlo

If I wasn’t reflective and analytic with my emotions, I would have made another mistake, becoming intimate with Kem. Also, I had a few people who offered me clarity and helped me understand my emotions better.

I want you to buy the Clarity of Vision program.

I am hosting 30 friends in Chicago, and the plan is to use this event to raise funds for my birthday party as well.

Again, all my books are now on Amazon. Find them via www.ideyforyou.com/shop.

Talk soon.

Best,

Queen BM.