What is in it for me?
Broken Child, Broken Adult...
Today’s episode 39, of my 60 days series.
I am excited that this series has come this far, and my birthday is in 10 days.
I wanted to share about the other type of combination and how they show up in organizational relationships.
That is the insecureattachment style and narcissistic personality type.
When you are someone with this type of combination, the first thing that comes to mind is, “what's in it for me”.
Well, it is not bad to be that way. It is a problem when your empathy is lost.
Let us look at these scenarios.
Your boss calls and Saya there is an emergency at work. You saw the call, read the text message and chose to ignore, only to resume work on Monday and act like you didn't see anything.
If this boss makes it a habit to reach out unannounced, it makes sense to try to set boundaries. But if not, it is wrong to respond in that way.
Your response is a result of your conditioning. When everything for you is simply transactional, you may climb ladders of success quickly, but you may fall as quickly as you get up.
Let’s look at how a professor with this combination will respond: Your student emails you and requests for some extra help. Although you have explained this concept already and you are wondering why the student is asking for help again. If your first response is to dismiss the student and claim the student is entitled as you have done your job, then you may have this second combination. Note well that the student in this scenerio, doesn’t make it a habit to always make demands from you.
“People are very selfish. I don't care if the client calls me over and over, there is nothing I can do. That transaction is over. In fact, she owes me an apology. Stupid customer” You may sound like you have this wrong combination. You feel your client is out to chest you. You actually be be insecure and afraid that your business won’t thrive, but you sound this way to cover up your insecurities.
Each of these scenerios apply when you are the student or professor, client or business owner, employee or employer. Your response when you meet difficult situations, determine who you are: a selfish narcissist with an insecure attachment style, or a unselfish codependent with an insecure attachment style.
Now these two personalities are two extreme personalities. Too kind is bad, unkind is bad as well.
Let me explain.
Don't be too kind that it hurts your ability to be kind towards the next person who asks you for help, or the ability to be kind to yourself.
Make sure you ask how what you are doing, will be in the interest of you and whom you are trying to help. Put your needs and that of the other person into full consideration, as long as the other doesn't cross your boundaries and principles. Your good boundaries and principles.
Also, being totally unkind is bad as well. Be considerate in your dealings and always remember that everything shouldn't be “what’s in it for me”.
You may have been raised to see life that way, but you can change that. You have a choice.
Your decision to recover from any ofnthese two personality types will be challenging, but you can heal if you are willing to do the work.
Be on alert ⚠️ and that way, you identify your triggers and your response to such triggers.
On the next episode, I will share some personal and other short stories and how people with the two personality types we have been discussing, will respond in such scenerios.
Option 1
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