What is your name when you care about your boss more than you?
Episode Day 38...
Exactly 22 days to go!
Your attachment style, your personality type and your organizational relationships...
From Broken Child, Broken Adult...
In the previous activities which I believe you have done in this self care journal, I talked to you about three attachment styles. By now, you should be able to tell your attachment style.
Today, I will capture everything I have shared in a different way.I will use some stories from my book, How to Kill Your Spouse, which you have in addition to this self care journal, as well as some other life experiences.
Here's what I want to share with you specifically.
Your attachment style and personality type determines how you show up, or respond daily to people and events.
It determines how you sell as a business owner, how you love in a relationship, how you parent as a mom/dad or caregiver, how you lead as a CEO, how you teach as a professor, it also determines your relationship with yourself.
Let's look at a number of scenarios that I already shared in my life-story-book. I talked about how I loved. Here is how my attachment style and personality type impact the way I love. I do not easily fall in love because my attachment style conditioned me to be insecure.
I didn't have a parent, who was present, and so, I had to rely on myself to do many things. Since I was really the self-reliant type, I do not know how to bother people, and so I never had close friends. So my personality type, a as a codependent, predisposes me to want to help everybody. So, I always would be the first to help people while still maintaining my distance.
Now, that kind of insecure attachment style and a codependent personality type, makes you vulnerable especially when you fall in love with the wrong person.
While it is so hard for you to fall in love with someone, it is even harder for someone with an insecure attachment and codependent personality to fall out of love. That is why it is easier for someone with such personality type and attachment style to stay too long in a toxic relationship.
Here's how this combination affects how you see work relationship with your employer or how you run a business.
When you are a codependent, you put people first, before your self-your desire to make profit. Let's look a codependent's relationship with an employer. A codependent is loyal. A codependent worries about what the boss thinks, and how the boss can make more money, grow and so on.
When you are a codependent, you put people first (such as your boss) before yourself or your desire to make profit.
Let's look at a codependent's relationship with an employer. A codependent is loyal. A codependent worries about what the boss thinks, and how the boss can make more money, grow and so on.
Here is the problem. When you have a selfish boss, or an insensitive customer, you still go all out to make sure they are happy , because you are afraid that losing a job, a customer or a source of supply will mean your doom. That is not true.
But you have been raised to think that people will desert you. That you will lose. That you will be lonely, broke and shamed. None of that is true. You think these things because of your personality type and attachment style.
Let me end with this scenario. If you are a professor with my kind of attachment style, you want to see that all your students succeed.
You actually will do anything-such as extra tutorials, meeting students even though it's not office hours, etc to ensure your students are doing well. I get it. It is a good thing to do, but all these things are unhealthy. They are a wrong way to exist.
Do not go about life, afraid that if you don't help someone, everything will go wrong. Don't! Things may fall apart, but choose will come and go.
I am not teaching you to be a selfish employee, a shady business person or a mean professor, no far from it! I am only asking you to do this; Check in with yourself every time if it aligns with your principles (your good principles).
Always check in with yourself to see if the other party (student, client or boss) are not selfish too. Once you can tell that they are selfish, that is where you must begin to draw the line.
Your self care activity.
Activity #8
1. Do I put boss/students/clients first before me?
2. How does a bad review from my boss/client/student make me feel about myself?
3. What steps will I take to set boundaries when in relationships with my boss, students or clients to ensure that I preserve my interest and values, without being selfish too?
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